negative characteristics


Updated By : July 16, 2018 12:15:21 PM JST

negative characteristics

The secret of attraction is the unconscious hope for healing and understanding. This is why we are so discriminating in our choice of a marital partner. Not just anyone will do. And when we find the right person we become infatuated and fall head over heels for him or her. Our passion and hope for lifetime mate often borderlines on the absurd. Typically, what we see in him or her is really a self-generated fantasy. We are in "la la" land. We unconsciously block out all of their negative characteristics and distort their positives. We imagine them to be loving, caring, intelligent, funny, patient, giving, attractive, interesting, hard-working when in fact they are often very little of all of this. However, and all fairness, in spite of what we think about ourselves, we are also far from this ideal!

The simplest proof that much of what we know about a future mate is "imagined" is demonstrated by the fact that in North America about half of all couples that marry ultimately end up divorced. And of those that remain married, when asked, the majority believe they have chosen the wrong partner. What happens? Why is everybody so disappointed in their mate? Simply, after six months or a year of marriage, when the fantasy bubble pops, then each individual begins seeing his or her partner for whom he or she really is.

One might err in thinking that human beings are totally unsuited for finding appropriate lifetime partners to live together until separated by death. perhaps we would be more successful if we just roll the dice and let chance determine who our lifetime partner should be. The truth is, however, we are actually very skilled in finding the right partners. Our folly is not knowing what to do when the fantasy bubble pops and problems occur. We often don't know how to properly understand our disappointment and frustration.

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Author : 雪如人豪迈大气 | 7/16/18 12:15 PM | Public
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